Baby Steps Out Of Lockdown
How ridiculous a concept to even be writing about coming out of lockdown. Who’d have seen that one coming 2 years ago huh? Hard to believe there was a life without the words lockdown, isolation, pandemic, vaccination, symptoms and a million others in the way we use them now.
But I digress. This is not a post about the last 18 months, this is about baby steps toward the future and a little bit of hope.
As we all know, the UK moved toward some semblance of normal in the summer of 2021, as we tried (and failed) to in the summer of 2020. This time though we went hell for leather, ditched masks, opened up nightclubs, were told to hug, let the double vaxxed run free and all while cases sky rocketed.
And yet, as we move into the autumn, we’re still on that same path and whilst here in Wales there are some rules still in place, masks are in as are vaccine passports, Alert Level Zero is the name of the game.
For me though, the last 18 months have seen little change, and I suspect I’m not the only one. When there’s vulnerability in play, how can one’s live open up, what makes the situation safe now. how does one change the mindset by the flick of a switch?
So what have the last 18 months looked like? Between the two long strict lockdowns there have been local lockdowns, firebreaks, countless isolation periods and a couple of covid tests thrown in for good measure. There have been personal sacrifices galore, difficult decisions between parents, between which sibling to see, who to allow in the bubble and for me, the knowledge it always has to be me on the outside.
So when the restrictions are lifted, it’s been family that I have flocked to. Too many reunions between me and my nieces for a heart to stand, plenty of ‘first times’ again and again, it’s family I choose over and over. My freedoms have been with my parents, my brother, my nieces but it has come at the cost of normality. At the cost of work. at the cost of friends, at the cost of food out and day trips and holidays and the big things but also at the cost of the small mundane - I haven’t set foot in a supermarket since March 2020.
It seems it was a damn side easier to go into lockdown than it was to come out.
And yet, slowly, very slowly, in the smallest of baby steps, we inch toward a more normal life. This summer I have finally spent time with friends, I have caught up with people I haven’t seen in over a year and spent sunshiney days outdoors with my family. I have made annual leave feel like a holiday and enjoyed every single second.
For some, life is back to normal, for the majority I suspect life resembles something near and for many, my idea of freedom would feel like their worst weekend.
I have met up with friends and their children, but we picnicked in the park on separate blankets.
I went to a colleague’s leaving do, but we sat outside in the cold 2m apart.
I have gone back to work, but it’s limited to a few days in an office alone.
I have been on day trips, but we stuck to gardens and public spaces and didn’t go into the cafe or shop.
And yet to me, they are the biggest leaps forward, anxiety inducing to start but so incredibly joyful to end and so so special. They are a fleeting moment I can forget the world is weird, that I feel like yes we’re doing something we used to do, that if it wasn’t for the mask and the wince I get when someone comes too close, that yes, this is what life is about.
There is no point to this post, no punchline, no grand revelation or words of wisdom. It is but a moment in time I want to capture, to remember how big the smallest of things felt, because one day hopefully soon this will be over, these moments will feel ridiculous to me too when I’m living my life without fear again.
And also, a little bit of hope, a little bit of recognition for everyone else who’s lives haven’t moved on yet, for those who even my life seems too much, too far out of reach right now. I sincerely hope we all get there.
