Are We Always Looking For The Next Fresh Start?

I am a person that constantly sets goals for myself. I always have, I've always aimed high, I always have things I want to achieve, I am always looking to the next thing. My bullet journal now means I track everything, I plan everything, I am always ticking markers off and tracking stats and hitting goals. 

I am always looking for a 'start date'. I might track goals and have aims but motivation is my main struggle. My bullet journal habit tracker works for me (for most things) because it focuses me to have a tick box, I feel like a failure if I don't tick it every day. I am always pushing my 'start date', looking for the next new week, the next month, the start of summer, New Years, my birthday.... I don't need much of an excuse to create a start date to motivate myself. 

But isn't that kinda against the point? If I want to make a change of some sort I don't need a fresh start, a start date...I think it just proves I'm not that motivated to start? I wrote about my New Years resolutions and about how some people hate them because they say we don't need January 1st to make a change and I get that, but I am sucker to it myself. I am always putting things off for 'starting on Monday' or 'starting on the first of next month.' 

I feel like personally I am always looking for a fresh start and it's not just with goals, it's with moods and life too. How many times have you repeated the mantra 'it's just a bad day not a bad life' when you're feeling shit or thinking 'it'll all come right in the morning'. When I'm feeling at my absolute lowest I am waiting to go to bed so a good nights sleep will make me feel better or I'm waiting till some event is over or waiting for a trip that'll cheer me up or next week when it's over. That's fine, I think that's natural. When you're feeling bollocks you're looking for some light relief, a fresh start to feeling better. 

But then even when I'm fine I'm still looking for the next thing, the next weekend away, the next break, the next set of plans I have set. I am on constant high alert for a fresh start, no matter what that fresh start might consist of. 

At the end of May/beginning of June I just upped and went for a run. I just decided one evening to go for a run and for about 3 weeks I ran every other day and ate more healthy and did lots and lots of planks and was feeling really good about it. I mean I then went on jury service for a fortnight and lost all routine and running went out of the window and I haven't been since but for that 3 weeks I was motivated. I think I was more motivated because I didn't set a start date, I just upped and went and it kinda took the pressure off a bit? I think when I have a start date in mind, a fresh start for something new it puts a lot of pressure for change on myself. 

I have also started thinking quite deeply about the looking for the next fresh start vs appreciating what's in front of us debate. The idea of living for the now and appreciating how life is short is a blog post for another day when I can articulate how I feel about it without becoming a crying ball but the point still stands in the smallest of forms. 

If I'm looking for a fresh start am I running away from what's pushing me in that direction? If I'm looking for a fresh start for motivation purposes maybe I need to question why I'm not motivated enough to start today? If I'm looking for a fresh start for emotional purposes am I just not tackling head on the problems I'm facing today in the hope next week I'll just have forgotten about them? 

I don't have the answers to the question in the title. I suspect that yes, most of us are looking for the next fresh start because on the whole we're always trying to reinvent or better ourselves and most of us find a start date helpful to that goal. If we're feeling shit we're always looking for the next fresh start to make our lives happier. Is it a good thing? I spose only time will tell.