Things I Text My Mum In The Past Fortnight.

You might be forgiven for thinking I am a grown mid twenties adult woman who has their life all together and gravy. 

You'd be mistaken. 

You should re read the name of this blog. 

I am in fact a child in disguise as a mid twenties woman who 100% relies on her Mum for advice and instruction in life, cooking, running a house and general da fuc am I doing though? 

So here, in the spirit of honesty is a selection of some of the things (no context, take from it what you will) I've text my poor, ever obliging mother in the past few weeks;

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'On the plus side I've got your favourite leggings back' 

'I just ate 3 of your salad tomatoes'

'I said I bet it was the butchers'

'I feel like a right diva'

'I don't like it as creamy as you'

'I'm STARVING'

'If I cooked chicken on Sunday evening when is it good till? It's been in the fridge'

'Is there a window or a door open or something downstairs?'

'How do you make your mash?'

'Aromaround?'

'There's a domestic goddess in me yet'

'Oh man. I could kill someone' 

'17,000?? DEAR GOD'

'That's not a healthy day'

'It's beef cooked for 6 hours with carrots and onions and stock and then mash and peas and obviously the Yorkshire'

'Don't take any bread rolls out the freezer for me tomorrow'

'Ferret'

'My cleaning has all gone to hell'

'How long should I cook a whole chicken for? I know you've told me before'

'Still cleaning'

'Only cos Joss wanted bangers and mash'

'Can his head be fixed?'

'I've decided today is sit in front of the tv and work day'

'Have you rung your people?'

'I didn't text you cos you said you'd be in bed'

'What time does the chemist open?'

'Assume he's putting it through tonight' 

'It was Easter and it's a Catholic country'

'I know two more ways to the station now'

'Were you serious about that plant?'

'The doctors only went back to work today'

'It'll be a bit of a faff Mondays and Wednesdays'

'I don't like the bullshit more'