The traditions we kept and the ones we didn’t
Weddings are mad full of traditions and even if you are having a conventional wedding day, keeping up with everything you’re ‘supposed’ to do is a minefield. Even though we weren’t having a traditional wedding at all, I still had to give time and thought to whether or not we’d incorporate any traditions at all and basically, if not why not.
The beauty of planning your own day is you can make the choices yourself and add in elements, break tradition or even make new ones and we kept a lot of rituals in without much thought, and omitted a load too.
Did;
White dress: I did play around with the idea of not wearing a white dress and I knew I definitely wouldn’t wear one for the ceremony itself but in the end it really was a done deal for me without too much push back. I knew in my heart of hearts I wanted an untraditional wedding but there was a good handful of times I had an internal panic and thought am I sure and having a white dress to me felt like I was ‘bridal’ but the fact I’d bought it online for seventy five quid sat well with me too. Same goes for the veil, I hadn’t thought about one at all until it popped into my head one Ebay browse but it did make me feel bridal on the day and I am so glad I opted for it because I looooved the photos with it in. Jos also didn’t see my dress beforehand because I think there are only a few true surprises in life.
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue: My Mum came up with this one THE WEEK of the wedding. I hadn’t thought about it before at all but she asked if I had any ideas because she wanted to do the ‘something old’ so we quickly scraped it together and decided we’d both do it not just me. On the ceremony day Jos wore a blue suit, my dress was new (ish, never worn before anyway), Jos borrowed a handkerchief from his Dad and the something old my Mum talked about was lace around my bouquet that was her Mum’s. On the party day I wore a new dress, Jos borrowed the handkerchief again, I wore a blue bracelet given to me by a friend and Jos’ suit was old.
Silver sixpence: Ok we slightly made this one our own and it wasn’t an intentional tradition to keep at all but our lovely builder friend Mike who was a guest sealed up a bunch of terracotta pots for me to make the table plan out of and he sealed around each hole with a silver 5 pence piece for luck. A tradition we didn’t think about, never one I expected to put any thought into but a very impromptu, lovely and personal one at that.
First dance: Was 100% adamant this was not a tradition we were keeping until our very clever photographer Simon said people need more direction in an untraditional wedding like ours. They needed to know ok the meal bit is over now and the evening bit starts so we did decide to do one but we made it our own and actually it was a really lovely bit of the day I enjoyed - nowhere near as nerve wracking as I expected. Tips would be if you’re feeling pushed into doing one; pick a song with a decent beat so you don’t have to slow dance, practice something funny (Jos did a twirl in ours, it was impromptu but made everyone laugh and we were relaxed), chose one with words you like because it will always remind you of your day when you hear it, and rope in a bunch of friends and family to join you when you call them after the first chorus so it’s no longer just you two.
Favours: Traditional favours are sugared almonds but as the bride has a nut allergy, that was never going to work for us. I like favours at a wedding, I like getting them as a guest and I think it’s a nice conversation starter with the table so we were always going to do them. Instead of almonds we went with popcorn for a nod toward ‘he popped the question’ and because Effi had had popcorn at her wedding and I bloody loved it.
Speeches: Again, one we did keep but made it fit our non traditional day. Jos hates public speaking and the idea of making a speech was his worst nightmare (although he did drunkenly profess his love over the microphone on the quiz) but I really thought we needed to get up and say thank you…..so I did the speech on behalf of both of us. We didn’t have any groomsmen or a best man or a maid of honour so it was down to me and my Dad and we were both incredibly nervous but it was a really good part of the evening. Read my speech in full here!
Table plan: Table plans are undoubtedly one of the more stressful parts of wedding planning and I have never met a bride or groom who has enjoyed doing it but even for a chilled out vibe like ours, I felt it was important to have a seating plan. I wanted to keep big families together (Jos’ maternal auntie and my maternal uncle both had 11 people each on their tables, whereas some tables of friends were groups of 5) and I wanted to make sure people were sat next to people I thought they’d get along with or at least, wouldn’t end up in a fight.
Didn’t;
The walk down the aisle: Not having a big white wedding ceremony in front of the whole guest list immediately chopped down a whole load of the traditions that comes with that, something I was massively relieved about. From my understanding, you can do all the traditional things in the registry office that we got married in but as there was only 12 guests we felt all the pomp and ceremony would be a bit ridiculous so we cut out the walk down the aisle and Jos waiting for me at the bottom of the room. Instead we had 3 rows of 3 chairs on either side and we just walked in with our fam and stood at the front, no fuss.
Given away: Again, something that was cut when we didn’t do an aisle walk. I asked my Dad if this was something he wanted to do because I was conscious just because we were breaking all the rules, maybe there were some bits of a traditional wedding that our parents would feel sad about missing and whilst I think he would have liked to have done it, he understood it made no sense in the scenario we were in and instead he hung out with my nieces which I think secretly he liked more.
Not seeing each other beforehand: The one tradition I really don’t understand, when you’re feeling incredibly nervous I cannot think of anything worse than not seeing the person you feel your most self around. I suppose it was made easier for us but having a legal ceremony bit and a party bit where I wore the dress he hadn’t seen but even then, he was just chilling in the living room of the cottage we were in catching the end of the rugby whilst I hurriedly shoved my dress over my head.
Hen & stags do: A hen do was never on my agenda and I really do not regret not doing one. They’re just not my thing, I didn’t want to force people from all over the uk to pay to travel to get together before the wedding and I didn’t really ever have any intention of doing one. I at one point said the closest I’d get was booking an air bnb somewhere for me and my Mum to go chill and do wedding crafts but in the end we didn’t even have time for that. Jos on the other hand is a ready made stag and I was really surprised he didn’t have one in the end. He loves a pint, he loves watching rugby, he loves a pub and he loves a good night out with his friends and I thought everyone being home for Christmas would have been the perfect time but he just didn’t get it together and he says he didn’t actually mind as a lot of his friends and his brother are based outside the UK and probably wouldn’t have been able to make it which he would have hated.
Save the dates: You’d think for someone who loves stationery as much as I do that I’ve had jumped at the chance to get it all but I just didn’t see the point. The wedding was booked 11 months before the day and we were pretty chill about people just making it if they could and not making it if they couldn’t - I didn’t feel the need to send something out to make them keep the date free. I think by the time I’d finished designing and making the invitations in the summer, all our extended families had been told the date by our Mum’s and lots of our friends knew because they’d asked so in the end there was only a handful of people who couldn’t make it anyway.
Bouquet toss: I think my Mum would have had a fit if I’d chucked the posy she lovingly made from foliage in her garden. I didn’t entertain the idea of doing a traditional bouquet toss, instead it was displayed proudly in an Ikea jug on the top table and then my Mum dried it out when we were on our mini moon and I have since pressed it ready for framing.
Cutting the cake: At the end of my speech I said something about we’re going to cut the cake so people could all come and get a slice as we didn’t do puddings and I think people thought we were doing an official ‘cutting of the cake’. Our photographer certainly did and when we didn’t, two of my school friends recreated the posed scene and had the official photo we never had and it’s a proper corker. Instead my long suffering Mum diligently cut up the four cakes she’d made into slices and guests queued to get a bite.
Gift list: I feel like this is becoming less traditional, especially in the UK. Most couples have lived together and the idea of a gift registry full of things for their married home is kinda outdated and most people now just ask for cash. We said no gifts and guests to add an extra tenner to their drinks kitty but we did very kindly get a lot of money and giftcards instead.
Honeymoon: We have a mega Scottish road trip booked for May bank holiday but we opted out of going on honeymoon immediately after the wedding which is the traditional way of doing it. Instead we cut our losses on my annual leave and went to Cornwall for a few stormy days and have broken up our celebrations to last later into the year.